It’s an underestimated art form you know, it may seem pretty effortless but, much effort goes into responding to those more personal questions in a way which really, reveals nothing at all. When attempting to avoid difficult questions it’s easy to think that it is mere habit that leads the way and instinct which resists that strange and foreign feeling to say everything that is going through your head, after all, it’s probably the wine speaking it would be better for all to ignore that.
So after a little, not much I must add, contemplation a few guidelines on this issue may be useful for any willing to dabble in this art.
The first and most elementary technique is the apathetic 'I don’t know really' feigning a composed nonplussed position, one must appear slightly, but not too, tired to take part in any sort of in depth conversation with any meaning attached to it what so ever. If a simple ‘I don’t know’ and weary shrug of the shoulders isn’t really doing the trick just tag on, 'I’ve not really thought about it' right at the end, as if any engagement with such a difficult or personal question would not be wrestled with such a person of your laid back demeanour, (note this 'I’ve not really thought about it' tag should not be used when avoiding giving personal information as the speaker will appear rather stupid, an alternative tag could be 'I don’t remember' or a variation on that)
The second technique which I have found to be effective is that of Deflecting, a little more advanced than the former it requires a subtle approach to timing, when posed with the question, one must answer a vague response, preferably one that doesn't pose further probing, not too concrete but not too vague either and then after the smallest of pauses, enough to be casual but too much which would give time for another question, the deflector must pose the question back to the questioner, this approach works well in situations where one wants to continue the conversation, not only does it avoid answering the said question but it also leaves the other participant feeling that you are taking an interest in their life, it’s a win win situation really.
The third and my most favourite approach to avoiding and deflecting questions, is the humorous or hyperbolic one. It requires slightly more creativity but I believe it to be the most effective and positive way to save a conversation from slipping into the meaningful or significant, when asked one of those questions one can either a) make a joke- this requires a certain spontaneity and flair from the speaker (not good in situations where you are tired) alternatively there is a second approach which works in the same way but is not so reliant on circumstantial information, for those of us a little less good on our feet use of the hyperbole works in the same way. Simply respond to the question in the most extravagant and exaggerated way. Both options can save a delightful conversation from slipping into deep and murky unknown waters.
Maybe I could be a politician...or maybe I could learn to swim in those waters...learning how to do that may take more than a blog post
Happy Sunday.
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